


The Letter Full of Stars

by Yazu



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Death, M/M, Suicide, Unrequited Love, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-12 02:58:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11152818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yazu/pseuds/Yazu
Summary: It was one simple sentence. "I fell in love with your smile".





	The Letter Full of Stars

Entering the classroom, the first thing Makoto noticed was his friend laying on the desk. Considering that the boy was exhausted almost all the time it shouldn't be weird, but something felt off.

\- Hey, Isara-kun? Are you okay?

Mao didn't even lift his head, his answer too quiet for Makoto to understand. The blonde left his bag at his place and sat in front of Isara.

\- Good morning~ What happened?

Mao sighed heavily and finally looked at his friend.

\- I got a letter.

\- From the government? The police?

\- ...Why do you assume things like this?

\- You seem really down so...

\- No, it's...

Mao sat properly, showing Makoto an envelope that he was hiding. Only "Sakuma Rei" was written on it. Makoto's face turned white.

\- S-Sakuma...?

\- Yeah.

\- B-But... didn't he... jump from the school's roof yesterday? Is it from a ghost?!

\- Exactly. And no - Mao returned to laying on the desk - I don't want to open it...

\- I wouldn't want to open it too... I mean, there can be something like "You killed me!".

\- I don't even know how the guy looks... looked like. He was new around here...

\- Maybe we should give it to the police? There may be his final words...

\- But if it's "You killed me!" then I will be questioned, and it would put my mom in the bad light...

They both sighed, not sure what to do with the letter.

\- You should open it. Then we can decide what to do next - suggested Makoto.

Mao frowned. That part of him that wants to live in peace demanded to get rid of possibly bothersome thing. _But what if there really are his final words...? If I throw it away... I will never forgive myself._ Even so, his hand felt heavy while reaching for a pocket knife to open the envelope. He quickly looked at the clock, but there was still enough time before a lesson's start. His last hope disappeared, so with pounding heart he opened the letter. His fingers were slightly trembling as he reached inside and took the paper out.

\- What does it say? - Makoto covered his face with hands, which made Mao want to pinch him.

\- I'm checking.

He took a deep breath and looked at the writing. It was one simple sentence. "I fell in love with your smile".

 

After a shower, still with wet hair and a towel around his hips, Mao took the paper in his hand and looked at it again. "I fell in love with your smile" written on a page taken from a notebook. The writing was clumsy and Rei used ridiculously difficult characters for it. It had been few days since he got the letter, yet he kept spending enormous amount of time staring at it.

\- There is something like hiragana, you know... - Mao sighed and put the paper back on the desk.

He put a dry towel on the pillow and laid on the bed. No matter for how long he looked at it, it couldn't explain anything. What kind of person Rei was? What did he think while he was writing this letter? What did he want to accomplish? Why? _Why do I care?_ It was just a bunch of words from someone who was already on the other side. It couldn't speak to Mao, nor give him any answers... Going to his classmates was pointless. No one really knew him, he was transfered student. He tried to remember how the older boy looked or sounded like... but no matter how hard he thought, his mind was blank. Sakuma Rei was just a name teachers gave at the beginning of the homeroom class, followed with safety measures to prevent others from doing the same as he.

\- It's cruel, you know?

Shiver made him realise it was cold, probably because of an open window. Mao being almost naked could play a part in that too.

\- I'm going to have a cold because of you, Sakuma Rei.

Irresponsible, selfish, arrogant Sakuma Rei. Wrote "I love you" and disappeared.

 

He barely could remember himself putting the pajamas on and going to the bed, but sudden buzzing of his phone has painfully woken him up. He didn't even check who was calling, just picked up.

\- Ya-ho, Isara-kun! What a beautiful moon tonight!

\- ...Why are you calling me at... - he stopped to look at the clock - 3 am?

\- I thought of something. We should go to the school's roof!

\- It's off limits. Besides, what do you want to do there?

\- You want to understand Sakuma-senpai, right? So maybe if we go there and look at what he saw then, it will become more clear... Or something.

Even Yuuki didn't sound so sure of his own words. Isara held back a sigh.

\- Roof won't give me answers, Makoto, just like this letter.

\- B-But I already bought flowers! We can leave them there for him!

Mao went silent. He suddenly felt too tired to repeat himself. And to be honest, he had been thinking about this for a while...  
\- Don't say anything, just dress up and come to the school! I will be waiting!

 

The air outside was freezing, to the point of Mao's breath being visible. Cold breeze made him shiver and he thanked gods that his mom had already taken out his winter jacket. Walking towards the school he wondered about what he was going to do. He had been on the roof before. It was kind of a dull place, with a boring view on an industrial city. Behind the rusted barriers was just usual reality, nothing special. Still, it was the only idea they got... It felt desperate though. Something in his stomach twisted unpleasantly, reacting to the anxiety he felt. Just as promised, Makoto had been waiting for him in front of the school's gate with a big bouquet in his hands.

\- You sure took your time, I've been freezing here - he tettered through clenched teeth.

\- I'm sorry. You are the one at fault here though.

\- I guess you're right...

\- How did you know the school will be open?

Makoto laughed nervously and looked aside.

\- Y-You remember that one guy that used to... stalk me everywhere?

Mao nodded. Obviously he remembered Izumi Sena.

\- S-So, one day I stayed at the school because I was too scared to go out of the bathroom... And that's how I discovered they don't close it after hours~

Makoto's grip on the bouquet became stronger, so Isara put his hand on the boy's shoulder, trying to reassure him.

\- It's okay. He's gone now. Let's go.

Yuuki nodded, trying to force a smile. He handed the bouquet over to Isara. Mao smiled wryly, took it and they both started walking towards the school. His eyes automatically went to the place where the older boy landed. It was still covered by a police tent and surrounded with the "off limits" tape.

\- Guess we are breaking law... - he murmured, not able to hold back nervous chuckle.

As they went inside Makoto hung on to his arm.

\- U-Um, I-Isara-kun... It's dark here... You t-think we can turn the lights on somehow...?

\- And make it obvious that someone is inside? - this time Mao sighed and took a flashlight out of his pocket.

\- Ah, you are my savior...!

\- It was your idea to come here yet you didn't bring a flashlight...?

\- Ehehe...?

Even though he scolded Makoto, Mao was becoming more and more nervous too. He was so used to seeing those corridors bright and filled with people that darkness was disturbing. Before they knew it though, they were in front of stairs leading to the roof. A tape was blocking the way through. They both kept staring at it for a while, then nimbly went past it without damaging it.

\- I was so scared I will trip and ruin everything... - Makoto looked behind and laughed nervously.

\- But we did it... Since we already broke the law, let's get it done.

Yuuki nodded and followed Mao on the roof.

 

They got welcomed by a freezing breeze. Despite wearing warm clothes, Mao trembled and made a wry face. Weird anticipation kept twisting his guts until he looked at the empty space. It was... just a simple roof. Nothing changed since the last time he went there. The barriers still were rusted, and it was still dirty. After all, no one was supposed to be there. Anticipation turned into disappointment. What exactly did he expect to see there? He said it himself.

\- "Roof won't give me any answers", huh... - he murmured, wishing for Makoto not to hear him.

They slowly approached the place where Sakuma jumped. It was right above the police tent, so easy to localize. Even so, he couldn't think of anything proper to say. What should he... do? Realisation hit him in the stomach. _This is empty, because he is no longer here._ _No matter what I do... I will never get to know him_. He will never talk with him, never ask him anything. Standing there and looking at that dull view, he felt it more than ever before - he and Sakuma Rei will be forever strangers to each other. For some reason it... hurt more than anything. Noticing that Mao stopped moving, Makoto took the bouquet from his hands and put it on the ground.

\- That will do... I think.

Isara clenched his fists so hard he could feel his nails digging into skin. His legs felt weak, yet he approached the barriers and looked down. Despite not being afraid of heights, he felt an inch of panic when he saw the ground. He could see himself, falling down, then meeting it in short moment of pain... And what then? He shook his head, but it didn't really help. Those thoughts weren't going to leave him. Makoto looked down as well, then directed his gaze at Mao's face. Isara could tell he was worried.

\- What do you think of this view?

Mao looked up before he answered. Despite it being late in the night, some lights were still on. Even so, it was uninteresting. Not a view someone should see before they die. Maybe that's what drove Sakuma into despair... Ordinariness of this life.

\- They should at least renovate some of the older buildings...

\- I guess so...

It was painful. Suffocating. _Why do I feel like this...?_   What was this awful feeling that kept crushing his heart? Despite standing in the same place as Rei did, he had no idea what to think. Nothing became clear. Nothing was better. Before he knew it, Makoto was pulling him back, away from the barriers. He couldn't understand why, but strong gust of wind that winnowed his hair revealed that his cheeks were wet.

\- I'm... Why am I... crying...?

They were just strangers. Why did it hurt so much? Because it might've been his fault? But... it could've been different. He kneeled down and brought his hands to his face. _Could I... have done something? Is it "guilt" that weights on me so much?_

\- I couldn't have known... right...?

Instead of answering, Makoto kneeled next to him and embraced his shoulders. Tears kept flowing, even though Mao wanted them to stop. It was all pointless. Why did they even come to that roof? He just kept sobbing for some time, with Makoto massaging his arm and trying to calm him down. Fortunately, at some point tears ended. He felt just empty and even it hurt. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back. His cheeks felt as if they were frozen because of the water, which surprisingly almost made him laugh. He inhaled deeply, trying to get rid of this weight in his chest, then opened his eyes.

 

That was when he saw the sky. Sky in the city usually is empty and dark. But above them was displayed a sea of shining points. In fact, it was the first time in Mao's life he had seen a sky so filled with stars. He had no idea how to name constellations, but he knew they were in full glory. Even though it still hurt, it felt as something got lifted from his chest. It was such an overwhleming sight everything else felt… small.

\- Woooo... You can even see the Milky Way...! - Makoto sounded as amazed as he was.

\- It's so beautiful... And there is one... It's red?

His heart stopped for a moment when he noticed that red star blinked at him. He just... imagined it, right? He kept staring at that one star, yet it didn't repeat it's action. He jumped a bit when he felt Makoto's cold hand taking his own.

\- Sorry... Just, you seemed lost...

The blonde laughed awkwardly, but Isara just gripped his hand and smiled at him. He was grateful for someone next to him. When he inhaled again, he felt that the weight is still there… But warmth of the hand that was holding his own was making it less suffocating. They stayed like this, watching the stars, without thinking about how much time they spent there. Only when Makoto sneezed Mao got reminded that it's too cold to sit in place like this.

\- Let's get up, we will get sick like this...

Even after standing up he kept looking at the stars. Something in them was calming. _They are eternal. He might be there, among them..._ Did Rei see them before he jumped? Did they bring peace to him, just like they did for Mao? Mao's gaze went to that one red star. It's probably idiotic, but can he think... that this beauty was the last thing Rei saw? That stars took all his fears away before he met the ground... What a selfish thought. _You just want to feel better with yourself_. But he couldn't do anything. Reversing time was impossible, it happened, and he couldn't fix it anymore... _So, let me be a bit more selfish. At least at the end you_ _might've been... happier_. Maybe he won't get to know Rei. But... he still had to live.

 

***

 

\- Dead people don't answer letters. Or eat candies.

Voice from behind startled Mao. When he turned around he saw a boy, seemingly around his age. Red eyes were barely open and he seemed sleepy.

\- But they might be reading them... Who knows.

\- If it's stupid Anija, he won't bother.

\- Ani... ja?

\- Are you Isara Mao?

The boy held a letter in his hand. Mao recognised the one he sent to the Sakuma family.

\- Are you Sakuma-

Before he finished, Ritsu approached him and took the letter he left on the ground in his hand.

\- Sakuma Ritsu. You wanted to know more about him - he waved Mao's letter to Rei before his eyes - But this won't help. Useless thing won't even answer so don't waste paper on it.

\- That's some cruel way of talking about your family.

Ritsu sighed and turned on his heel. Mao was looking at his back as the boy was walking away from him, too surprised to react.

\- Aren't you going? Or did I come here for nothing?

\- Y-Yes, I'm coming.

Mao smiled wryly. Ritsu took the letter he wrote to Rei, in which he described how this year since his death went. _It was supposed to bring us a little more closer… But I guess it's better like this_.

\- Why did you leave him cat pics?

\- D-Don't read it!

Ritsu chuckled and put the pictures back in the envelope.

\- He would be grateful. Though he liked dogs more.

\- Really? Tell me about him, please.

\- That's what I came here for after all. But you have to treat me to a coffee first~

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, if you enjoyed it don't forget about kudos/comment~!
> 
> Also in case someone wondered, makomao is canon here, just they don't get enough romantical interactions to be included in tags~


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